NAIINGGIT AKO

Marahil masama ang salitang INGGIT. Napaka negative nito. Pero para sa akin kakaibang inggit ang nadarama ko. Sa totoo lang, burned out na ako. Lubog na ako sa pagiging outdated. Alam mo yun! Mahirap makita sa facebook o sa twitter ang mga kapwa mo Christians na super updated, tapos ikaw parang napaglipasan ng panahon. Isang salita lang naman ang nag rema sa akin, "competence". Sa takbuhing ito, kailangan ng competence, pag wala kasing ganoon, i'll stay stagnant, still and stinking. Kadiri yun! Ayoko ng ganoong Christian life. Syempre sa pag blog ko nito, kailangan ko ng solution. Banggitin ko man dito ang problema, aba dapat may solution din ako. Kakabasa ko lang ng ini-email sa akin ni tatay. Isa sa mga preaching niya. Sapul ako! Nakakalimutan ko ang basic, at minsan nate-take for granted. Hindi dapat ganun!

Akala ko dati, porket may vision ka na, ay ok na ang lahat. Kailangan pala updated ka, parang yung nakikita ko sa FB at twitter. Nakakaloka ang mga pino-post. Talagang mapapa-Wow ka! Kapag sila ang fina-followmo, pambihira, mahihiya ka sa ginagawa mo sa ministry. Ang tindi, iisa lang naman ang Diyos namin, pero pambihira ang galaw ng Diyos sa kanila. Its not about comparing, its observing! Through others you could get new ideas and you could update your strategies spiritually or physically.

Isa ang Communication Research student, at isa sa mga iniral ko ay ang Communication Evaluation. We evaluate, kumukuha kami ng information sa mga companies at ini-evaluate namin. Sa evaluation process, we tend to find strengths and weaknesses. Naalala ko pa nga ang SWOT analysis. Naisip ko lang at gusto ko ding gawin. Ia-apply ko ito para sa improvement ng youth namin. After all, mahirap ang katayuan namin, walang youth pastor. Pero ayokong mag compromise at gawing excuse ito. Inspiration ko si Jezreel, isa sa mga napanuod ko sa G12 regional conference. Halos parehas kami ng sitwasyon, ang pagkakaiba lang, magulang nya ang mentor niya at sold out sila sa system. Ako may mentor from other church and thankful na inaalagaan niya ako. Si mommy danna, but I feel so incomplete. Kailangan ko talaga ng feeding, apart from it, kailangan talagang maiayos ang youth namin. From paper to actual.

Umaasa ako, at patuloy na nanalangin, di lang ako hanngang dito. Di lang hanggang dito ang Diyos ko! Di ako tinawag sa ganito, kailangan ko mabuo ang 12 ko, makatapos ng SOL3 at mag level up. Ayokong bumalik sa dati, ayokong mauwi ang lahat sa wala, ayoko na basta nalang nag evaporate lahat ng iniyak ko sa Panginoon. Naiinggit ako dahil gusto ko din mag grow, gusto ko ding maranasan ang nararanasan nila, gusto ko ring gawin ang ginagawa nila, gusto ko rin ma-witness ang Super Great Power ni God. My heart wants it. Alam kong di ganun kadali, patinuan ito ng buhay, di lang yung magandang nangyayari ang haharapin ko, malamang may ups and downs, so I pray, sa "inggit" na ito, may competence na lalabas, may ile-level up pa ang Lord at may matinding kaganapan ang mangyayari na di ko na iisip. Lahat para kay God. I am a servant leader, give me a servant heart Lord, a humble heart. Level up dapat ang FAITH, and VISION, KNOWLDGE, SKILL and CHARACTER!

Love, Patience and Understanding

"¾Hanggang may nakikita kang lumalago.. wag kang titigil. Tignan mo kung ano ang nakikita ng Diyos!"

Two nights ago, i was reading my old notebook rather my first notebook for journal at church. It was 2007 our senior pastor wants us to write down our devotion. As I was reading it last two nights ago, I was shocked and almost cry because of laughing. O'men! Is it me really who wrote all these down?!!! I mean, am i that crazy, am I that immature Lord? Then God said, yes you are! Then I keep on reading it, and I've seen the names of the persons I like, and I was like..... GOSSSH! Why is it here?! But what was amazing was, from the past devotions and journals, I was able to write names of persons that I prayed to God, for them to have the relationship with Him, and it was actually fulfilled by God! At the end, I came up to a realization that, 2007 I was second year high school, wherein a lot of questions and emotions filled me. Immaturity was there, so as I look back on my old self I realized that I was not different from our youth today. (who texted a lot, quarrel a lot with each other, upholding the blame for themselves, emo, makulet, hyper active, crushes and etc.)
So then, I keep on thinking, If this is me before, papano ako napunta sa sitwasyon na ito at papano ko sila dadalin sa sitwasyon ko ngayon? That question hanged until last night I talked with nanay Danna.


Last night I was in Gateway with my sister in mentoring and also with Nanay Danna. I'm a little early so I caught some blessings from Nanay! Yey! Libre! :DD
So, I started telling her my dilemma on our youth. Since, I already told her about who am I before, then she asked me.. how did they handle you, sa tingin mo?

Then I replied," di ko po alam? Siguro po sa parents?" Then Nanay Danna said "Maturity is a matter of choice, you just have to extend the love.. more love to them, understanding and patience."

Hangganga ngayon dala ko ito.. and the best part that Nanay Danna said, "hingin mo kay Lord yung paningin Niya, para makita mo ang hindi mo nakikita.. you have to see all things, di lang ang problema, pati ang pag lago nila.. Kung may isa na lumalago.. magsisilbi yung BUTIL NG ENERGY FOR YOU TO CONTINUE!"

Yes! Though they are immature, I was like that before.. though they are pasaway.. ganun din ako noon. I must extend the love, the understanding and patience.

I'm excited for 2012. Wag hayaan na mapagod ang puso. Tignan si Lord! This is a Battle for Eternity!
Win Souls and Make Disciples! Jesus is the Center! :)