Are you Still there?

Thought of being alone? Feeling like carrying the whole world? Ever felt abandoned by someone, by somebody. by everyone?

This past few days, I smile then I cry. I can't feel nowadays the comfort from God, where is the rest? How could I rest? How????

"Take your Pressure as Pleasure" easy to say, but it is hard to do. honestly, I can't take pressure as pleasure, I tried not escape, yet it runs after me. Maybe pressure loves me so much. I want to rest, yet I can't. School works plus Church Thingy and Family Status all together, joined force strikes you! It's Crazy!


School works were very disturbing, as of now I'm experiencing difficulties on research paper and other stuff, minor subject where in between. It is as if everything on school rush towards me. I want to run, but I can't be that coward, I must face it, it just temporary. Yet I know I'm tired, I need God to recharge me. I know It will work. I thought that going home early would help me to rest, but i guess no, of course I need to help at home, do my homework and other stuff. We had a long weekend about 5days without class, but I was not able to enjoy it. It was a plain day with busy things around me, why can't I rest? Why?! Then, I thought Sunday would help me regain my strength, But I guess not. Stress was there, and I can't find the right place to go. Where Am I now? I'm desperate, but I need to go on. My only escape was not to think of any of them. Many times I prayed, "God help me, I can't take this, take this away from me!", no response at all. Are You still there?


We were facing difficulties on Church, and our youth faces a lot of circumstances. This was the stormy season, we were hit by a super typhoon problem and now trying to get back everything into business. Some  youth were gone, some stayed. Orders were coming, I need a cell, out of depression. I was wrong, It just makes everything worst. What to do Lord? Some were hurt and some wants us to learn to go up and continue our race. How could I help somebody If I can;t even help myself. "I need you"


School again, stressing and full of duties, obligated. Dad asked me, why it has been always you who do those stuff, I answered back "though it is I who contributed a lot here, I am also the one who gained a lot, I might be able to apply this in the future." Then, I text somebody," please don't give up on us, just because of disappointment. I plead for our sake", then it replied "With this kind of Accusation, I can't"
My heart is not troubled, troubled with fear, knowing that I might lose a teacher. My mind hanged for a while, no processing of any, just blank, and as I scan status on FB, I found Isaiah 40:28-31


 "Do You not know? Have You not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth, He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even YOUTHS grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall but those who HOPE in the LORD will renew their strength, They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."




These verses answered all my questions, God are you still there? Are you tired of loving me? Why Am I weak till now?... those questions was answered by God. God really spoke to my heart, renew it and fire it once more, telling me not to give up! Never to give up, I'm not alone and True from pessimist, I could find HOPE, In my most desperate circumstance, that is where I am found. ONE MORE ROUND, GOD NEVER GIVE UP SO NEVER EVER GIVE UP THIS BATTLE!!!!

KAKAiBA KA TALAGA

Natatawa ako na may halong tuwa habang binabasa ang instructions ng God kay Moses sa Mount Sinai, magtaka ka kung ano sa passage na iyon ang nakakatawa? Well, mamaya ko na irereveal. Pero grabe  ang enjoyment ko while reading it.


Dati kapag binabasa ko ang Bible, ang gusto ko lang ay magpaantok. Sabi kasi ng ibang tao kung gusto mong matulog o magpatulog, napaka effective daw ang pagbabasa ng Bible. Una, dahil hindi mo maintindihan sa sobrang lalim, mas nanaisin mo pang matulog. Pangalawa, wala ka talagang hilig magbasa at panghuli wala kang interes at tingin mo lang sa Bible ay simpleng libro..Umabot ako sa sitwasyong nagpa story telling nalang ako sa Daddy ko dahil di ko nga iyon maintindihan. Dahil doon, na enganyo ako at nag start mag basa. Pero wa epek." Ano bang problema? Bakit walang epekto at stagnant pa din ang spiritual life ko" natanong ko tuloy ang sarili. Hindi agad agad ang sagot ng Lord, madami palang paraan ang pagsagot niya, sa sitwasyon ko eh, proseso pala. Proseso ang paglago ng Spiritual life ko at proseso din upang maintindihan mo ang Bible.




Since nung nagkaroon ako ng mentor muli, I started doing my devotion. Interesado na ako sa Bible, dahil gusto ko din makilala more ang Diyos. Tama pala, mas naiintindihan ko na, may changes na! Pero may kulang pa din, papano ba magdevotion ng tama? Tama at patama sa sarili mo? Kelan nagiging obligasyon at responsibilidad ang devotion?




Naranasan ko na gumising sa umaga at magdevotion pero walang laman, tila ba mga salita nalang na ordinaryo ang Bible. Walang fire walang anything. PATAY!
PERO, hindi. Mali pala ako, hindi totoo na patay ang Bible, buhay ito at kahit na inaakala kong patay na ito, tsaka ko nadinig ang palakas na palakas na tibok nito. Buhay ang Bible, buhay ang salita ng Diyos, at gusto kong ma experience ang super extraordinary type ng devotion, hindi 
obligado, hindi responsibilidad pero devotion out from LOVE. Ang Love ko sa Diyos.




Kakaiba talaga ang Lord. Ang Prayer ko sa Kanya ay isang Letter at ang Salita Niya sa Bible ay ang sagot niya sa akin. Kakaiba ang Lord, hindi mo aakalain matatawa ka sa isang bagay na hindi naman nakakatawa at maiiyak ka sa bagay na hindi nakakaiyak. Grabe kumilos ang Holy Spirit! Superb. Ito na ang pagpapatuloy ng kwento ko;


Kaninang umaga I was reading Exodus 27 to 30, ito ay ang instructions ni God kay Moses sa mount Sinai. God was telling Moses the exact things that he must do. Natatawa ako while reading it, may nakita akong bagong character ni God na ikinasaya ko, ikinatuwa, mas lalo ko Siyang gustong makilala. Deeply wanting to know more about HIM. Akala ko Stiff God si Lord. Hindi pala. Based in Exo.27-30 1)God is for excellence.. gusto niya hindi yung the best pero yung excellent! 2).God is a Great Organizer.. natutuwa ako dahil God organizes things inside the tabernacle, organizes every details, every color, every type, everything! Haha.. In short Metikoloso si LORD, maarte ayaw ng magulo. Detalyado nga lahat, pati sukat meron. DA best talaga si LORD. 3). God is not Just Passionate but also Fashionable.. HAHA, bakit kamo? read there that God determine the Colors and other stuff. Grabe! Nag eenjoy ako, hindi baduy ang LORD, ikaw lang ang nagpapabaduy.

Dahil sa tatlong bagay na ito naisip ko, May karpentero kaya sa Langit? O ano kaya ang baong fashion statement ni God ngayon.


Don't get me wrong but as you can see, God wants us to see new things about Him. Hindi siya stiff God, rather He is also  a cool God. Thanks to the Bible, who speaks for God. Astig! I want more.. more of You LORD!