Are you Still there?

Thought of being alone? Feeling like carrying the whole world? Ever felt abandoned by someone, by somebody. by everyone?

This past few days, I smile then I cry. I can't feel nowadays the comfort from God, where is the rest? How could I rest? How????

"Take your Pressure as Pleasure" easy to say, but it is hard to do. honestly, I can't take pressure as pleasure, I tried not escape, yet it runs after me. Maybe pressure loves me so much. I want to rest, yet I can't. School works plus Church Thingy and Family Status all together, joined force strikes you! It's Crazy!


School works were very disturbing, as of now I'm experiencing difficulties on research paper and other stuff, minor subject where in between. It is as if everything on school rush towards me. I want to run, but I can't be that coward, I must face it, it just temporary. Yet I know I'm tired, I need God to recharge me. I know It will work. I thought that going home early would help me to rest, but i guess no, of course I need to help at home, do my homework and other stuff. We had a long weekend about 5days without class, but I was not able to enjoy it. It was a plain day with busy things around me, why can't I rest? Why?! Then, I thought Sunday would help me regain my strength, But I guess not. Stress was there, and I can't find the right place to go. Where Am I now? I'm desperate, but I need to go on. My only escape was not to think of any of them. Many times I prayed, "God help me, I can't take this, take this away from me!", no response at all. Are You still there?


We were facing difficulties on Church, and our youth faces a lot of circumstances. This was the stormy season, we were hit by a super typhoon problem and now trying to get back everything into business. Some  youth were gone, some stayed. Orders were coming, I need a cell, out of depression. I was wrong, It just makes everything worst. What to do Lord? Some were hurt and some wants us to learn to go up and continue our race. How could I help somebody If I can;t even help myself. "I need you"


School again, stressing and full of duties, obligated. Dad asked me, why it has been always you who do those stuff, I answered back "though it is I who contributed a lot here, I am also the one who gained a lot, I might be able to apply this in the future." Then, I text somebody," please don't give up on us, just because of disappointment. I plead for our sake", then it replied "With this kind of Accusation, I can't"
My heart is not troubled, troubled with fear, knowing that I might lose a teacher. My mind hanged for a while, no processing of any, just blank, and as I scan status on FB, I found Isaiah 40:28-31


 "Do You not know? Have You not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth, He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even YOUTHS grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall but those who HOPE in the LORD will renew their strength, They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."




These verses answered all my questions, God are you still there? Are you tired of loving me? Why Am I weak till now?... those questions was answered by God. God really spoke to my heart, renew it and fire it once more, telling me not to give up! Never to give up, I'm not alone and True from pessimist, I could find HOPE, In my most desperate circumstance, that is where I am found. ONE MORE ROUND, GOD NEVER GIVE UP SO NEVER EVER GIVE UP THIS BATTLE!!!!